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Ala Alba
The Monster Inside of You
By CerealQueen
Rated: T
Description: Takes place in the college years of students from Negi's original class and focuses around the KonoSetsu duo. Setsuna struggles between choosing someone understanding her inner demon or happiness.
Description: Takes place in the college years of students from Negi's original class and focuses around the KonoSetsu duo. Setsuna struggles between choosing someone understanding her inner demon or happiness.
Chapter 1
A small ray of light shown through the window as my eyes slowly opened from a restless night before. Groaning, I attempted to adjust myself, but a strong grip bound me to the bed. My eyes peered to my right, where I saw him holding me tightly: Yuuki. Feeling me trying to break away, he pulled my bare body closer, though there was no comfort in his movement.
"Where you going, Sakurazaki-san?" he asked, his voice rough as he stirred awake.
"I have to go to work," I answered, again trying to pull away. He did not loosen his hold, but tightened it; it became hard to breathe as he nearly cut off my flow of air. He ducked his chin into my neck, though his unshaved facial stub cut into my skin.
"Do you have time?" Yuuki asked, sliding his hand along my ribs and making his way to my chest. While his question was not specific, I had come to know by mere body movements and gestures, what not only his words meant, but the relationship we formed around them.
"No, I'm going to be late." He sighed and released me, turning his back to me. Silently, I breathed deeply, relieved to be free. He tugged at the blanket and tore it off me, not bothering to look back at me.
"Whatever." The man beside said nothing more and it was obvious I was no longer wanted. I took the hint and pushed myself off the bed. With a quick stretch, I guided toward the dresser at the opposite end of the small room. My cell phone laid there, atop of the thick layer of dust that had gathered over time. I clicked the power button and checked the time: 9:52.
"Shit," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck. I was supposed to be at work at ten, but it was obvious I was not going to make it there on time.
"I thought I turned on the alarm."
"You did," Yuuki said, turning around to look at me. "But I turned it off."
I stared at him in disbelief, "Why the hell would you do something like that?" I dropped my hand that gripped my phone to my side and just looked at the man in my bed. "You knew that I worked today."
"So, what?" he asked, his eyes cold. "What's the point of working those dead-end jobs? It's not like you can ever hold one down, anyway."
"You sure don't make that any easier, y'know," I spat back, a rage slowly building.
"If you're so strapped for cash, you could always sell your sword," he pointed out, fully aware I had an emotional attachment to my blade. My eyes shifted to the closet for a second, where it had been stashed for a large amount of time.
"I can't believe you."
"Don't blame me, hon," he snorted, followed by a loud yawn. "You sure don't need my help to fuck up."
"Shut up," I hissed, my eyes darting to his like a viper to prey. "Don't act like you know me." For a flash second, I saw his face curled into a devilish smirk before he was on his feet, his massive hands clamped around my wrists. He leaned his chest into my own, his cheek brushing against mine.
"But I do know you, Sakurazaki-san," he whispered, his breath hot in my ear. "I know you better than anyone else ever could."
"No, you don't," I insisted, but my voice dropped.
"I know the monster that you really are."
"Shut up…"
"You know you're a monster, a blood-thirsty monster."
"Please…" His words stung like venom in my blood, but it was no longer rage that I felt nor was it sorrow. Instead, he had mentally beat me down to where I felt nothing; it was a feeling I despised the most. His lips rubbed against my ear before soon biting down hard on my earlobe. His grip on my wrists tightened until I uttered out slightly in pain, but he got a sick enjoyment from it. My phone slipped from my hand and with a thud, bounced to the floor.
"You know it's true. That and I am the only one who can tame you." Any resistance I had a minute before had vanished and I was in his complete control. He yanked me closer before twirling me around and releasing my hands. I stumbled and fell onto the bed, but before I could move, he was on top of me. His eyes were cold and looked at me as though I was his possession, not a person. However, when it came down to it, that was the truth.
I fell limp, but he still chose to pin me down. Thrusting his body on top of mine, I became his, again. It had been that way ever since he found me two years previous. We shared a relationship of lust and nothing more. He saw the monster in me and was not afraid of what it was, but instead, used it for his own selfish needs. However, though I knew the truth, it did not bother me. I was content with just being wanted, even if it was just for power and sex.
"Do you remember when I first met you?" he asked, falling to the side as he finished. "I was just walking home from the bar when I saw you in the alley. You had a sword at a guy's neck, presumably because he tried to make a grab at you." I turned to the side, facing away from him, saying nothing. He snorted, continuing. "I remember those eyes of yours, Sakurazaki. They were black and stone cold. They had a lust for blood that I have never seen so strong in a person before. The eyes of a monster." He spun around and grabbed my breast, squeezing it hard so he could see the cringe of pain smeared on my face. Though I did not look at his expression, I knew he was smirking that malicious grin of his. He laughed once more before removing his hand.
"I have to go to work," I informed him in monotone, but he said nothing. He was done with me for the time being. I slid out of the bed and quickly grabbed my work uniform I discarded on the floor the night before. I stuffed it on in an empty book bag, also on the floor. My eyes shifted back to Yuuki, but he was faced against the wall again, his chest breathing heavily. I hurried back to the dresser, placed the uniform on the floor, and picked out a white undershirt, a pair of faded jeans, and undergarments and quickly slipped into the new fresh clothes. Snatching my phone back from the ground, I started toward the main room of the flat.
"Play human all you want, Sakurazaki-san," Yuuki muttered loudly enough so I could hear. "But try as hard as you might, you can never change what you are." His words stung, but I bit my lip and took another step. "My little monster…"
With another stab in the heart, I grabbed the black jacket that was sprawled along a chair in the room. I put it on, zipped it, and slipped on the sneakers by the door. His words clung to me as I opened the door and stepped out, closing it as silently as I could. I started down the hall of the old apartment building, at a jogging pace. My flat was on the third floor, but it was a breeze to fly down the few flights of stairs. I was definitely late to work, but the sooner I got there, the better off I would be.
I swung the main door to the building open and paused to catch my breath when I finally made it outside. The sun that had woke me earlier that morning had now disappeared behind a sky composed entirely of gray. Slinging the bag around my shoulder, I ran down the road with a steady speed. I planned to change into my uniform when I got to work. Slowing my run into a walk, I located my phone in my jacket pocket and pulled it out. It was already 11:30. Sighing heavily, I scrolled through the short list of contacts on the cell, mostly composed of previous employers. I found my current one, who managed a small café in the middle of town, and pressed the "call" button. I took a deep breath as the long repetitive ringing began. I swallowed when a voice came from the other line.
"Hello, Starlight Café, Nakuruu speaking."
"Yes, Mr. Nakuruu-san, this is Setsuna Sakurazaki. I apologize for being late, but-"
"Sakurazaki? You're over an hour late!"
"Yes, I know and am sorry, sir, but I am on my way now."
"I'm sorry, Sakurazaki-san, but you might as well turn back around and go home right now."
"I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again," I promised, my walk halting to an abrupt stop.
"I have heard that excuse from you just about every day now. If it's not the tardiness, it's your behavior to the customers. I'm sorry, Sakurazaki, but this job isn't for you."
My head shifted toward the ground and while I knew I could beg and plead for him to let me keep my job, even if he had sympathy, I would be fired shortly after, so, instead I muttered, "I understand, sir," and pressed the "end" button. My fingers still wrapped around the phone, I felt my arm fall to my side, my expression unreadable. I stood there frozen, unaware the sky had begun to weep on my behalf. My eyes narrowed, but I felt nothing and I hated it.
I was twenty-one years of age and while I existed, I was not living. When I was alive, it crumbled away when was nearly seventeen. At the time, I was careless, and when I looked back, it was my downfall. The name Setsuna Sakurazaki was ruined and the girl wielding the title was banished from both her family and the one she had vowed to serve. Of course, those days had since passed, but the effect had never vanished from my heart. What emotions it once carried turned into a void that contained nothing and I only reacted upon impulse. It was something similar to rage, hatred even, but it was not felt. That is what made me what I was, a monster.
Yuuki had seen it in me, two years ago. He stumbled across the scene where man was on the ground, sobbing as he pleaded for his life. A young lady, eyes devoid of any pity, held a long blade to his neck, not caring if this sorry-excuse-for-a-man lived or not. Well, that man lived to see another day, with the exception of a missing wallet, of course. However, Yuuki did not see this girl to be a threat to him, but a challenge before him. He approached her without a hint of fear, which took the girl off balance. He used this to his advantage and used the girl's weaknesses against her. That night, he put a collar on me that made me his and for these two years, I was unable to escape.
I hated him, I hated Yuuki.
Of course, there was nothing magically or physically binding me to him, but he managed to make me come back on my freewill. While he knew nothing of my past, he did not need to; as he had said, he knew me better than anyone else, myself included. Back then, I was devoid of any emotions whatsoever and felt nothing if I harmed someone. Perhaps I was blood-thirsty, as he said. However, only when I met him, was I able to feel something again. Of course, I only felt rage, hatred, and lingering bits of sadness, but it was better than feeling nothing. Lust and sex were also better than feeling completely numb. With him, though it would be a life fat from happiness or even being content, it was something. So, we lived a life where we both used each other for completely selfish reasons, both parties fully aware of it. We knew nothing about each other and were completely strangers; I did not even know his full name, let alone if Yuuki was his first or last. Yet, it was an existence I had chosen to live for these years.
While able to feel, I also thought I could rejoin the human world if I tried hard enough, but as his words reminded me daily, it was a hopeless dream. No matter how much effort I gave it, I did not belong in the world of light; I was best suited for the night-life, when all decent people had disappeared from the streets of Japan. Yuuki made sure I knew my place, at his side. While I hated to admit it, he had been right – a monster was best fitted to be with another, and that was the cruelest reality of them all.
I could not pretend to be something I was not – a human. Work all the jobs I wanted, I was fired from every single one. That month alone, I had already been through three different employers. The life I had lived when I was in school was all but a distant memory now, and I knew it had been a lie as well. The only truth then was the emotions I carried then, but those had been locked far into the deepest reaches of whatever heart still remained. Happiness and all feelings like it had not been felt since and I was now a complete stranger to them. At times, I questioned if I had ever felt that way at all, but the pain I longed to feel from the loss of them was the brutal reminder of the truth.
So, there I stood on the sidewalk, completely unaware of those who passed me cautiously, staring at the odd girl who stared into space. I broke from that trance when a small drop of water plunked the tip of my nose and I finally realized it was raining. Water ran down from the tips of my long black hair, which had grown out considerably through the years; I only trimmed it from time-to-time, but was longer than it had ever been length-wise. I usually wore it down, allowing my long bangs to hide my dark eyes, though my aura itself made people keep their distance. I blinked a droplet from my eyelashes and pulled the large hood from the jacket over my soaked hair. While it would not help much at this point, I wanted to hide myself from lingering eyes as much as possible.
I put my phone back in my pocket, not checking if it were water-damaged or not, and continued down the sidewalk. There was no destination I had to be now and I knew I did not want to go back home so Yuuki could mock me, so I just walked. Maybe it was an attempt to escape whatever existence I was living then. I felt whatever bitter emotions I had fading at an alarming speed, but I also could not bring myself to care. If I were to return to him, he would restore whatever humanity I still clung to, but I continued on into the opposite direction of the flat.
A tremendous rumble of thunder caused the sky to shake and many pedestrians ran quickly though the streets, seeking shelter. A long strand of my hair fell in front of my right eye as I walked, unaffected by the storm. Soon enough, the plops of my shoes in the small puddles were the only sound to be heard, aside from the similar noise of the rain itself. Even the traffic seemed to vanish, eerily enough. I was not aware of where I was walking, as all the surroundings had become a giant blur. When I finally decided to regain vision, I realized I had no idea where I had ventured to, but it did not matter. Seeing the rain letting up, I decided to retreat to an alley, to escape the mass of people that would soon be back on the street. A few blocks ahead, I saw a space between two buildings where dark shadows had made a home. While it appeared foreboding to the average eye, it seemed like a perfect escape to night-dweller like me.
I slipped between the buildings and sought refuge behind an expanded corner in the right building's wall. There, I could neither see nor hear the people from the street and it applied to me as well. I backed into the wall and slowly allowed my legs to give out until I was collapsed on the ground. My chin tilted toward the sky, where droplets fell upon my exposed skin. I was so vulnerable to something so insignificant, but that had always been my weakness. My rough exterior was my only real defense. Those who saw past my cold stare and into my damaged soul could manipulate me into anything. She had been the first to see past those eyes: Ojou-sama.
I closed those eyes with my face still directed toward the sky. Back then, my pupils still had signs of life within them though and she brought it to the surface. I doubted she would even recognize these black eyes anymore and if by chance she did, surely she would be petrified. I had come to realize I was not the same person I was back then and no matter how hard I tried to hold onto the past, it would never become the present or future.
Back then, I lived a life that was so carefree and the worries I had back then were actually worth something; they had meaning behind them. My duty was to protect Ojou-sama and from the shadows I had called home once before, I did my duty, not only as her sworn guard, but as my sole wish. From the distance, I had admired the innocent girl, always dreaming to reach out and touch the friend I once held. However, it was because of my overwhelming emotions that I had to keep hidden, for her sake. When I exposed myself, those contained feelings for her also seeped out. She saw this and held me in her warm embrace, asking if I could join her side in the world of light. As much as it scared me, as much as I saw it to be a bad idea, I knew I would never be able to refuse her. Maybe it was selfish, but I allowed my feelings to grow and seep out every day. When she saw my true form, notorious for being a monster, she still held me close. Even though I was an outcast to my own kind, she made me feel worth-while, and made me feel more human than anyone ever possible could. Just as I started to truly live, it was all stripped away from me.
I, a daughter of the Sakurazaki family, was born to protect those who were born in the famous Konoe family. The head of their family had an heir to the throne and I was assigned to be her personal bodyguard. From the distance, I performed my duty better than they could have asked. However, when I finally decided to protect Ojou-sama from the world of light, suspicion aroused within the head family as they questioned my motives to be close to her. Sure enough, my feelings had become obvious to everyone but the intended individual, and I was outcast from the Konoe family. It had also been revealed I had let Ojou-sama see my true form, a taboo among the Sakurazaki family, and I was disowned. Because of my actions, the two families, who had always been in close relations, nearly broke all truces. I brought great shame to the Shinmei-Ryuu school as well. I was ordered to leave then, far away from Mahora Academy, and far away from Ojou-sama. The families would not even allow me to say goodbye to her and just as I abruptly stepped into the picture, so did I step out. I did not know if she knew why I just disappeared one day, but I knew I was too ashamed to face her anyway. These feelings were not meant to be burdened upon the princess I so longed to protect and I was not aware of what they truly were until it was too late. However, it came to be what I most regretted was not telling her how I feel, myself.
I often used to question how she felt each passing day and wondered if she still thought of me. Sometimes, I thought about what excuse they told her for my absence. Perhaps they say I left for no reason, or maybe died? Or, by chance, did they tell her the truth? Whatever reasoning I thought of, I would think about how she would react and if she still held me in her heart as I held her in mine. Back then, I was still able to feel that sadness, but one day, I suppose I could bear it no longer. Without notice, my feelings had left me and I became what I was. Of course, while she always was on my mind, I could no longer picture her nor could I hear her voice anymore. Her existence was burned into my mind, but everything I cherished about her must have been carried within my emotions. Perhaps, that is the biggest reason I allowed Yuuki into my life; even with the cruelest of feelings, she felt closer to me than she had in years.
Sometime while staring into the sky, the soft drops washed away my tension and I lulled into a deep sleep I had not felt in years. Even on the cold ground, it was more comforting than sharing a bed with that beast of a man I did every night.
It was amazing I woke at all, but when I did, the sky had become just as dark as the alley way. The rain had picked up again, but if anything, it was refreshing. I blinked a few times, adjusting my eyes to the blackness before groaning as I stood to my feet. My back slightly ached, but it was nothing in comparison to how it felt. Though night had fell upon the town, I did not look at my phone to check the time nor did I want to go back to the flat. After all, it was clear I was a child of the night, and I preferred to be nocturnal. Adjusting my hood to cover more of my face, I slipped from the alley escaped into the night.
Street lights and headlights were the main source of light, but even so, I was hidden. Making my way down an unknown street, I kept my head lowered to the ground, so I did not notice the stranger until they blindly ran into me. With a thud, they fell to the ground, followed by a long moan. They wore at least two visible jackets, the inner one white and the outer jacket another shade of gray, both with hoods pulled over their head. A dark gray hat, covering their face, was worn beneath the hoods. They also wore large black baggy sweatpants over gray sneakers. They dressed like a typical street dweller and because they concealed their face, I was put on guard. I lowered my left hand to the matching pocket of my own hoodie and seized the grip on a pocket knife that had made a home there. Though it was not a sword as I preferred, I knew my way around a blade.
"Watch where you're going," I sneered, clutching the knife tightly in my hand. My voice was rough and had an edge to it that was sharper than a blade. The partial bit of my left eye that was exposed was cold and unforgiving. Their head tilted in my direction, looking at me, then stumbled back.
"I'm so sorry," they apologized, a voice that was much higher-pitched than I expected, a tone that was almost soothing. They bowed their head and quickly got to their feet. "I didn't mean to crash into you. Again, I apologize." Bowing their entire torso to me, I could tell though they matched a thug's attire, this was definitely not someone who was familiar with the streets. I sighed, blinked, and shook my head.
"It's whatever. Just watch where the hell you're going from now on."
"Okay, thank you." The stranger bowed once more, and walked away quickly before cautiously giving me one more look. Taking a breath, I continued straight, releasing the grip on the weapon and removing my hand from my pocket. As I walked, I felt something familiar, almost nostalgic, cleaning to the back of my mind.
It's probably from when I met Yuuki. The scene could have turned into something similar.
The thought of it sent a sense of dread throughout my body.
"The thought of you even makes me feel hatred," I nearly laughed quietly to myself, pulling the hood closer to my eyes as I strolled down the sidewalk.
Soon, I came across a small street market, but the owners were busy packing up their wares or were absent altogether. Feeling the sense of hunger in my stomach, I slithered to an unoccupied stand, where I was able to pluck a scarlet fruit from the shadows, and escape with in signs of detection. An apple clutched tightly in my hand, I rubbed it on the wet sleeve of my jacket before examining it. Lights overhead reflected from its skin, but it was too dark to see my own face. However, though I knew I had not been seen stealing the piece of fruit, I had the feeling I was being watched, more than usual. Sniffing, I turned the corner at the upcoming street, narrowing my eyes to my peripherals. While I could not make out a particular individual, my instincts were paranoid. I turned right at the next corner and left at the next, the apple forgotten in my hand. The feeling would not shake, so, I swiftly darted into an alley, completely absorbed in the dark. I knew I could not be seen, but I would be able to see if someone followed. Sure enough, someone stopped in front of the alley not a minute later, glancing around the street, before deciding to enter the darkness I lurked in.
My instincts took over and becoming void of both feelings and thoughts, I pulled out the knife and the crimson fruit dropped to the ground. There was a small click as it locked into place and they heard it. However, it was too late to react. Before they could take another step into the alley, I pushed my follower into the brick wall, a hand pressed firmly on their chest and the blade at their neck. From the small light that shown from the street, I saw it was the same individual as before. I grunted, finding myself foolish to underestimate this individual. Still, I did not detect the usual level of threat I typically did with night-crawlers, but a threat that was much more dangerous. My instincts would not shake the oddity, but it did not change my stance.
"Why the hell are you following me?" I growled, pressing the blade to their bare neck; through the blade, I could feel as they swallowed hard. "Answer me!"
"I-I'm sorry," they muttered, their voice crackling. "I didn't mean to follow you."
"Of course you meant to follow me, or you wouldn't be in the position you're in now," I said coolly, my hand pressing harder on their chest. "Who the fuck are you?"
"Please, let me go…"
"I asked, who the fuck are you!" The only feeling lingering was that of danger. This individual brought more worry, if not fear, than anyone ever had. It was something I could not control, but I slowly felt all humanity slipping at that instant.
"Please," they begged, their voice becoming raspy. I did not notice I had pressed the blade into their flesh further.
"Answer me, dammit!" My eyes were fierce, but I felt it draining. Silently, I cursed myself for having no control. If this continued, I would kill this person.
They made a choking noise, so taking a deep breath, I made an attempt to gather myself to the best of my ability and slightly loosened my hold.
"If you won't tell me," I whispered softly, but harshly. I did not continue the sentence, but took the chance to observe the individual. My left hand that was pressed against their chest finally felt something I had ignored. Underneath the sweatshirts was not a flat chest. It was a girl. Still holding the knife to her neck, I moved my right arm slightly, so she was still pressed into the wall. "Don't move," I warned, releasing my left hand from her chest. I felt her take a deep breath as I did so.
Moving my left hand, I pulled up the hat she wore and slightly adjusted the hoods so I could make out her face. Two long strands of chocolate brown hair fell into her face, framing large eyes of the same color. Beneath the comforting shade, there was a mixture of fear and something else I could not quite make out. Blinking, I looked into her face, the face of a stranger. However, the lingering feeling of danger increased, to the point where I could bear it no longer.
"Who," I whispered, my defense dropping. "Who are you?" I knew that face, those features, that warm milky brown color. Without realizing, the knife had slowly left her skin, that ivy skin.
"Secchan?" A tiny voice escaped past her pink lips. Only one person had ever referred to me as that.
"Konoka." The knife dropped from my hand and bounced before falling to the ground. I made out a flash of light before stumbling back and falling into the opposite wall, collapsing on the cool cement. It all came back at once, both memories and the feelings that went with them. An ear-splitting scream escaped my throat as it echoed down the street, my body trembling and thrusting in pain. Completely blinded to the world outside my mind, memories flashed in my eyes without end. I felt warm tears leaking from my eyes as the emotions swelled in and were ready to burst. As much as I prayed it would come to a stop, it continued without an end in sight. My lips quivered, my body ached, and for the first time in years, I sobbed. Everything I chose to hide away was resurfacing and the emotions were more than I could bear.
"Secchan." Like a savior, a hand, bathed in a shining light, reached out to me in the deepest depths of the darkness I lived in. "Will you join me in the world of light, Secchan?" a soothing voice asked, sending a feeling of warmth and comfort throughout my body. I began to extend my arm, but memories of the past pulled it back.
"I can't," I nearly whispered, looking down into the black abyss. "I don't belong there. This is the only place I can call home." I peered up at the light, but it looked as though it was farther from my grasp.
"I want you here, with me, Secchan."
"I want to. I want to be there with you, but I will never belong there. You deserve better."
"Please, Secchan…"
"You deserve the best life possible. I belong here in the darkness, where all monsters belong." The hand was fading far into the distance, almost completely from my reach. "I don't deserve you. I should be alone. I don't deserve happiness." The glow of the extended hand had nearly faded completely away, but I closed my eyes and as much as it broke my heart, allowed it to disappear.
"Please, Secchan!" the angelic voiced called out, nearly absorbed completely into the darkness. "I need you!" Hearing this, my eyes sprang open and I leapt toward the hand, nearly completely swallowed in the blackness. My fingers nearly touched its own, but giving the last of my energy, my hand grasped around it, fingers intertwined. A bright light engulfed my world of darkness, everything incinerating in its slow. My body felt warm as I gripped her hand tighter, a smile forming across my lips for the first time since I had last seen her.
"Kono-chan," I whispered, closing my eyes peacefully as the light pulled me into reality.
When I awoke, I stared into a bright blue sky, void of any clouds. I blinked a few times, attempting to wake from a dream, but much to my surprise, it was all too real. Tilting my head back slightly, I saw a soft face hovering over me, delicate in sleep. Her pink lips muttered something incomprehensible, her eyes restless behind the lids. Her long strands of hair tickled my face as she held me in her soft lap. Her arms were wrapped around my head and shoulder. Even in slumber, she held onto dearly, afraid to let go. It was a distant feeling, to be held in comfort and protection. I could not help but stare at her beautiful face, one I thought I would never see again. As much as I wanted to reach out and touch her, to see if it was real, I could not move. Of course, it had to be real – no dream could hold me in such a secure embrace.
"Konoka Ojou-sama," I whispered, my lips mouthing what seemed to be a foreign tongue. A tear slid from the corner of my eye, streaming to her soft hand. "My Kono-chan…"
I must have said it louder than I thought, because her beautiful eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times before gazing into my own. Her rich chocolate eyes locked onto my dark ones, embracing each other in their own hold. Her lips curled into a smile I longed to see for so many years. She moved her arms slightly, cradling my head securely with one and brushing the hood I wore with the other. Her fingers gently ran through my long bangs, my hair as black as night. Her nails ran over my scalp soothingly, her thumb caressing the corner of my eye ever-so gently. Her lips parted as another tear made its way from my eye, falling to her thumb. Her eyes studied me, full of curiosity and interest. She moved her hand again, brushing the hair away from my face, one that she had once been able to recognize. Now, even in her arms, I wondered if I looked like more of a stranger than friend.
"Setsuna," she whispered softly, lowering her head to me. She placed it gently on mine and blinked slowly. "My Secchan…" Slowly, she moved her face, her small nose sliding up my face until her soft lips touched my forehead.
At that moment, I knew I wanted to be at her side, no matter what. It did not matter how, but just as long as she was with me, I would be happy. Laying here, curled into a ball in her arms, I was as vulnerable as I ever had been, but I was not scared. It was the best feeling imaginable.
We just stared at each other, placing soft touches on each other's faces, for what seemed like eternity. Though she had grown considerably throughout the years, she was still just as I remembered, flawless inside and out. My fingers outlined her supple facial details, rubbing my thumb across her defined chin. It moved finely, defining her jaw line. My movements ceased just below her bottom lip, but I could feel her warm breath on the tip of my finger. Gently, I stroked the outline of the bottom lip, feeling just how soft and tender it was. My eyes shifted to her eyes, curious of her expression, but the endearment that gleamed within her pupils had only grown.
My hand slowly lowered, scooping a strand of her hair and feeling the soft strands. Blinking slowly, I wrapped my arms around her in a deep embrace, burying my head in her stomach. Even in the oversized clothes she wore, drenched in rain and dirt, I could smell the scent of strawberries coming from her hair. I had not breathed in such a scent since I last saw her. She shifted her arms, cradling my head while supporting my shoulders. Gently, she rested her chin on the top of my head, breathing softly.
"I knew it was you, Secchan," she whispered, almost crying even. "I am so happy I found you."
Happiness…
"Kono-chan," I muttered into her clothes, closing my eyes. "Kono-chan." I repeated her name, over and over, almost as if to convince myself her presence was genuine. It was something I had tried to say, all this time, but could never find the strength to.
"When I was running, I never thought the person I bumped into would be you, but I knew that eye, Secchan. That's why I followed you, because I had to know if it was just a dream." She began to stroke my hair, slowly. "Even as you held me there, I was sure it was you. Your eyes looked so sad, I just wanted to touch you, but you didn't know who I was. I was afraid."
Turning my head, I gazed at her with guilty eyes, "I'm sorry, Kono-chan," I mouthed, unsure if the words had come out or not. "I am sorry I scared you."
Konoka closed her eyes for a second, speaking thoughtfully, "I wasn't scared of you, Setsuna." Opening her eyelids, she gazed at me tenderly. "I was afraid you had forgotten me."
"Where you going, Sakurazaki-san?" he asked, his voice rough as he stirred awake.
"I have to go to work," I answered, again trying to pull away. He did not loosen his hold, but tightened it; it became hard to breathe as he nearly cut off my flow of air. He ducked his chin into my neck, though his unshaved facial stub cut into my skin.
"Do you have time?" Yuuki asked, sliding his hand along my ribs and making his way to my chest. While his question was not specific, I had come to know by mere body movements and gestures, what not only his words meant, but the relationship we formed around them.
"No, I'm going to be late." He sighed and released me, turning his back to me. Silently, I breathed deeply, relieved to be free. He tugged at the blanket and tore it off me, not bothering to look back at me.
"Whatever." The man beside said nothing more and it was obvious I was no longer wanted. I took the hint and pushed myself off the bed. With a quick stretch, I guided toward the dresser at the opposite end of the small room. My cell phone laid there, atop of the thick layer of dust that had gathered over time. I clicked the power button and checked the time: 9:52.
"Shit," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck. I was supposed to be at work at ten, but it was obvious I was not going to make it there on time.
"I thought I turned on the alarm."
"You did," Yuuki said, turning around to look at me. "But I turned it off."
I stared at him in disbelief, "Why the hell would you do something like that?" I dropped my hand that gripped my phone to my side and just looked at the man in my bed. "You knew that I worked today."
"So, what?" he asked, his eyes cold. "What's the point of working those dead-end jobs? It's not like you can ever hold one down, anyway."
"You sure don't make that any easier, y'know," I spat back, a rage slowly building.
"If you're so strapped for cash, you could always sell your sword," he pointed out, fully aware I had an emotional attachment to my blade. My eyes shifted to the closet for a second, where it had been stashed for a large amount of time.
"I can't believe you."
"Don't blame me, hon," he snorted, followed by a loud yawn. "You sure don't need my help to fuck up."
"Shut up," I hissed, my eyes darting to his like a viper to prey. "Don't act like you know me." For a flash second, I saw his face curled into a devilish smirk before he was on his feet, his massive hands clamped around my wrists. He leaned his chest into my own, his cheek brushing against mine.
"But I do know you, Sakurazaki-san," he whispered, his breath hot in my ear. "I know you better than anyone else ever could."
"No, you don't," I insisted, but my voice dropped.
"I know the monster that you really are."
"Shut up…"
"You know you're a monster, a blood-thirsty monster."
"Please…" His words stung like venom in my blood, but it was no longer rage that I felt nor was it sorrow. Instead, he had mentally beat me down to where I felt nothing; it was a feeling I despised the most. His lips rubbed against my ear before soon biting down hard on my earlobe. His grip on my wrists tightened until I uttered out slightly in pain, but he got a sick enjoyment from it. My phone slipped from my hand and with a thud, bounced to the floor.
"You know it's true. That and I am the only one who can tame you." Any resistance I had a minute before had vanished and I was in his complete control. He yanked me closer before twirling me around and releasing my hands. I stumbled and fell onto the bed, but before I could move, he was on top of me. His eyes were cold and looked at me as though I was his possession, not a person. However, when it came down to it, that was the truth.
I fell limp, but he still chose to pin me down. Thrusting his body on top of mine, I became his, again. It had been that way ever since he found me two years previous. We shared a relationship of lust and nothing more. He saw the monster in me and was not afraid of what it was, but instead, used it for his own selfish needs. However, though I knew the truth, it did not bother me. I was content with just being wanted, even if it was just for power and sex.
"Do you remember when I first met you?" he asked, falling to the side as he finished. "I was just walking home from the bar when I saw you in the alley. You had a sword at a guy's neck, presumably because he tried to make a grab at you." I turned to the side, facing away from him, saying nothing. He snorted, continuing. "I remember those eyes of yours, Sakurazaki. They were black and stone cold. They had a lust for blood that I have never seen so strong in a person before. The eyes of a monster." He spun around and grabbed my breast, squeezing it hard so he could see the cringe of pain smeared on my face. Though I did not look at his expression, I knew he was smirking that malicious grin of his. He laughed once more before removing his hand.
"I have to go to work," I informed him in monotone, but he said nothing. He was done with me for the time being. I slid out of the bed and quickly grabbed my work uniform I discarded on the floor the night before. I stuffed it on in an empty book bag, also on the floor. My eyes shifted back to Yuuki, but he was faced against the wall again, his chest breathing heavily. I hurried back to the dresser, placed the uniform on the floor, and picked out a white undershirt, a pair of faded jeans, and undergarments and quickly slipped into the new fresh clothes. Snatching my phone back from the ground, I started toward the main room of the flat.
"Play human all you want, Sakurazaki-san," Yuuki muttered loudly enough so I could hear. "But try as hard as you might, you can never change what you are." His words stung, but I bit my lip and took another step. "My little monster…"
With another stab in the heart, I grabbed the black jacket that was sprawled along a chair in the room. I put it on, zipped it, and slipped on the sneakers by the door. His words clung to me as I opened the door and stepped out, closing it as silently as I could. I started down the hall of the old apartment building, at a jogging pace. My flat was on the third floor, but it was a breeze to fly down the few flights of stairs. I was definitely late to work, but the sooner I got there, the better off I would be.
I swung the main door to the building open and paused to catch my breath when I finally made it outside. The sun that had woke me earlier that morning had now disappeared behind a sky composed entirely of gray. Slinging the bag around my shoulder, I ran down the road with a steady speed. I planned to change into my uniform when I got to work. Slowing my run into a walk, I located my phone in my jacket pocket and pulled it out. It was already 11:30. Sighing heavily, I scrolled through the short list of contacts on the cell, mostly composed of previous employers. I found my current one, who managed a small café in the middle of town, and pressed the "call" button. I took a deep breath as the long repetitive ringing began. I swallowed when a voice came from the other line.
"Hello, Starlight Café, Nakuruu speaking."
"Yes, Mr. Nakuruu-san, this is Setsuna Sakurazaki. I apologize for being late, but-"
"Sakurazaki? You're over an hour late!"
"Yes, I know and am sorry, sir, but I am on my way now."
"I'm sorry, Sakurazaki-san, but you might as well turn back around and go home right now."
"I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again," I promised, my walk halting to an abrupt stop.
"I have heard that excuse from you just about every day now. If it's not the tardiness, it's your behavior to the customers. I'm sorry, Sakurazaki, but this job isn't for you."
My head shifted toward the ground and while I knew I could beg and plead for him to let me keep my job, even if he had sympathy, I would be fired shortly after, so, instead I muttered, "I understand, sir," and pressed the "end" button. My fingers still wrapped around the phone, I felt my arm fall to my side, my expression unreadable. I stood there frozen, unaware the sky had begun to weep on my behalf. My eyes narrowed, but I felt nothing and I hated it.
I was twenty-one years of age and while I existed, I was not living. When I was alive, it crumbled away when was nearly seventeen. At the time, I was careless, and when I looked back, it was my downfall. The name Setsuna Sakurazaki was ruined and the girl wielding the title was banished from both her family and the one she had vowed to serve. Of course, those days had since passed, but the effect had never vanished from my heart. What emotions it once carried turned into a void that contained nothing and I only reacted upon impulse. It was something similar to rage, hatred even, but it was not felt. That is what made me what I was, a monster.
Yuuki had seen it in me, two years ago. He stumbled across the scene where man was on the ground, sobbing as he pleaded for his life. A young lady, eyes devoid of any pity, held a long blade to his neck, not caring if this sorry-excuse-for-a-man lived or not. Well, that man lived to see another day, with the exception of a missing wallet, of course. However, Yuuki did not see this girl to be a threat to him, but a challenge before him. He approached her without a hint of fear, which took the girl off balance. He used this to his advantage and used the girl's weaknesses against her. That night, he put a collar on me that made me his and for these two years, I was unable to escape.
I hated him, I hated Yuuki.
Of course, there was nothing magically or physically binding me to him, but he managed to make me come back on my freewill. While he knew nothing of my past, he did not need to; as he had said, he knew me better than anyone else, myself included. Back then, I was devoid of any emotions whatsoever and felt nothing if I harmed someone. Perhaps I was blood-thirsty, as he said. However, only when I met him, was I able to feel something again. Of course, I only felt rage, hatred, and lingering bits of sadness, but it was better than feeling nothing. Lust and sex were also better than feeling completely numb. With him, though it would be a life fat from happiness or even being content, it was something. So, we lived a life where we both used each other for completely selfish reasons, both parties fully aware of it. We knew nothing about each other and were completely strangers; I did not even know his full name, let alone if Yuuki was his first or last. Yet, it was an existence I had chosen to live for these years.
While able to feel, I also thought I could rejoin the human world if I tried hard enough, but as his words reminded me daily, it was a hopeless dream. No matter how much effort I gave it, I did not belong in the world of light; I was best suited for the night-life, when all decent people had disappeared from the streets of Japan. Yuuki made sure I knew my place, at his side. While I hated to admit it, he had been right – a monster was best fitted to be with another, and that was the cruelest reality of them all.
I could not pretend to be something I was not – a human. Work all the jobs I wanted, I was fired from every single one. That month alone, I had already been through three different employers. The life I had lived when I was in school was all but a distant memory now, and I knew it had been a lie as well. The only truth then was the emotions I carried then, but those had been locked far into the deepest reaches of whatever heart still remained. Happiness and all feelings like it had not been felt since and I was now a complete stranger to them. At times, I questioned if I had ever felt that way at all, but the pain I longed to feel from the loss of them was the brutal reminder of the truth.
So, there I stood on the sidewalk, completely unaware of those who passed me cautiously, staring at the odd girl who stared into space. I broke from that trance when a small drop of water plunked the tip of my nose and I finally realized it was raining. Water ran down from the tips of my long black hair, which had grown out considerably through the years; I only trimmed it from time-to-time, but was longer than it had ever been length-wise. I usually wore it down, allowing my long bangs to hide my dark eyes, though my aura itself made people keep their distance. I blinked a droplet from my eyelashes and pulled the large hood from the jacket over my soaked hair. While it would not help much at this point, I wanted to hide myself from lingering eyes as much as possible.
I put my phone back in my pocket, not checking if it were water-damaged or not, and continued down the sidewalk. There was no destination I had to be now and I knew I did not want to go back home so Yuuki could mock me, so I just walked. Maybe it was an attempt to escape whatever existence I was living then. I felt whatever bitter emotions I had fading at an alarming speed, but I also could not bring myself to care. If I were to return to him, he would restore whatever humanity I still clung to, but I continued on into the opposite direction of the flat.
A tremendous rumble of thunder caused the sky to shake and many pedestrians ran quickly though the streets, seeking shelter. A long strand of my hair fell in front of my right eye as I walked, unaffected by the storm. Soon enough, the plops of my shoes in the small puddles were the only sound to be heard, aside from the similar noise of the rain itself. Even the traffic seemed to vanish, eerily enough. I was not aware of where I was walking, as all the surroundings had become a giant blur. When I finally decided to regain vision, I realized I had no idea where I had ventured to, but it did not matter. Seeing the rain letting up, I decided to retreat to an alley, to escape the mass of people that would soon be back on the street. A few blocks ahead, I saw a space between two buildings where dark shadows had made a home. While it appeared foreboding to the average eye, it seemed like a perfect escape to night-dweller like me.
I slipped between the buildings and sought refuge behind an expanded corner in the right building's wall. There, I could neither see nor hear the people from the street and it applied to me as well. I backed into the wall and slowly allowed my legs to give out until I was collapsed on the ground. My chin tilted toward the sky, where droplets fell upon my exposed skin. I was so vulnerable to something so insignificant, but that had always been my weakness. My rough exterior was my only real defense. Those who saw past my cold stare and into my damaged soul could manipulate me into anything. She had been the first to see past those eyes: Ojou-sama.
I closed those eyes with my face still directed toward the sky. Back then, my pupils still had signs of life within them though and she brought it to the surface. I doubted she would even recognize these black eyes anymore and if by chance she did, surely she would be petrified. I had come to realize I was not the same person I was back then and no matter how hard I tried to hold onto the past, it would never become the present or future.
Back then, I lived a life that was so carefree and the worries I had back then were actually worth something; they had meaning behind them. My duty was to protect Ojou-sama and from the shadows I had called home once before, I did my duty, not only as her sworn guard, but as my sole wish. From the distance, I had admired the innocent girl, always dreaming to reach out and touch the friend I once held. However, it was because of my overwhelming emotions that I had to keep hidden, for her sake. When I exposed myself, those contained feelings for her also seeped out. She saw this and held me in her warm embrace, asking if I could join her side in the world of light. As much as it scared me, as much as I saw it to be a bad idea, I knew I would never be able to refuse her. Maybe it was selfish, but I allowed my feelings to grow and seep out every day. When she saw my true form, notorious for being a monster, she still held me close. Even though I was an outcast to my own kind, she made me feel worth-while, and made me feel more human than anyone ever possible could. Just as I started to truly live, it was all stripped away from me.
I, a daughter of the Sakurazaki family, was born to protect those who were born in the famous Konoe family. The head of their family had an heir to the throne and I was assigned to be her personal bodyguard. From the distance, I performed my duty better than they could have asked. However, when I finally decided to protect Ojou-sama from the world of light, suspicion aroused within the head family as they questioned my motives to be close to her. Sure enough, my feelings had become obvious to everyone but the intended individual, and I was outcast from the Konoe family. It had also been revealed I had let Ojou-sama see my true form, a taboo among the Sakurazaki family, and I was disowned. Because of my actions, the two families, who had always been in close relations, nearly broke all truces. I brought great shame to the Shinmei-Ryuu school as well. I was ordered to leave then, far away from Mahora Academy, and far away from Ojou-sama. The families would not even allow me to say goodbye to her and just as I abruptly stepped into the picture, so did I step out. I did not know if she knew why I just disappeared one day, but I knew I was too ashamed to face her anyway. These feelings were not meant to be burdened upon the princess I so longed to protect and I was not aware of what they truly were until it was too late. However, it came to be what I most regretted was not telling her how I feel, myself.
I often used to question how she felt each passing day and wondered if she still thought of me. Sometimes, I thought about what excuse they told her for my absence. Perhaps they say I left for no reason, or maybe died? Or, by chance, did they tell her the truth? Whatever reasoning I thought of, I would think about how she would react and if she still held me in her heart as I held her in mine. Back then, I was still able to feel that sadness, but one day, I suppose I could bear it no longer. Without notice, my feelings had left me and I became what I was. Of course, while she always was on my mind, I could no longer picture her nor could I hear her voice anymore. Her existence was burned into my mind, but everything I cherished about her must have been carried within my emotions. Perhaps, that is the biggest reason I allowed Yuuki into my life; even with the cruelest of feelings, she felt closer to me than she had in years.
Sometime while staring into the sky, the soft drops washed away my tension and I lulled into a deep sleep I had not felt in years. Even on the cold ground, it was more comforting than sharing a bed with that beast of a man I did every night.
It was amazing I woke at all, but when I did, the sky had become just as dark as the alley way. The rain had picked up again, but if anything, it was refreshing. I blinked a few times, adjusting my eyes to the blackness before groaning as I stood to my feet. My back slightly ached, but it was nothing in comparison to how it felt. Though night had fell upon the town, I did not look at my phone to check the time nor did I want to go back to the flat. After all, it was clear I was a child of the night, and I preferred to be nocturnal. Adjusting my hood to cover more of my face, I slipped from the alley escaped into the night.
Street lights and headlights were the main source of light, but even so, I was hidden. Making my way down an unknown street, I kept my head lowered to the ground, so I did not notice the stranger until they blindly ran into me. With a thud, they fell to the ground, followed by a long moan. They wore at least two visible jackets, the inner one white and the outer jacket another shade of gray, both with hoods pulled over their head. A dark gray hat, covering their face, was worn beneath the hoods. They also wore large black baggy sweatpants over gray sneakers. They dressed like a typical street dweller and because they concealed their face, I was put on guard. I lowered my left hand to the matching pocket of my own hoodie and seized the grip on a pocket knife that had made a home there. Though it was not a sword as I preferred, I knew my way around a blade.
"Watch where you're going," I sneered, clutching the knife tightly in my hand. My voice was rough and had an edge to it that was sharper than a blade. The partial bit of my left eye that was exposed was cold and unforgiving. Their head tilted in my direction, looking at me, then stumbled back.
"I'm so sorry," they apologized, a voice that was much higher-pitched than I expected, a tone that was almost soothing. They bowed their head and quickly got to their feet. "I didn't mean to crash into you. Again, I apologize." Bowing their entire torso to me, I could tell though they matched a thug's attire, this was definitely not someone who was familiar with the streets. I sighed, blinked, and shook my head.
"It's whatever. Just watch where the hell you're going from now on."
"Okay, thank you." The stranger bowed once more, and walked away quickly before cautiously giving me one more look. Taking a breath, I continued straight, releasing the grip on the weapon and removing my hand from my pocket. As I walked, I felt something familiar, almost nostalgic, cleaning to the back of my mind.
It's probably from when I met Yuuki. The scene could have turned into something similar.
The thought of it sent a sense of dread throughout my body.
"The thought of you even makes me feel hatred," I nearly laughed quietly to myself, pulling the hood closer to my eyes as I strolled down the sidewalk.
Soon, I came across a small street market, but the owners were busy packing up their wares or were absent altogether. Feeling the sense of hunger in my stomach, I slithered to an unoccupied stand, where I was able to pluck a scarlet fruit from the shadows, and escape with in signs of detection. An apple clutched tightly in my hand, I rubbed it on the wet sleeve of my jacket before examining it. Lights overhead reflected from its skin, but it was too dark to see my own face. However, though I knew I had not been seen stealing the piece of fruit, I had the feeling I was being watched, more than usual. Sniffing, I turned the corner at the upcoming street, narrowing my eyes to my peripherals. While I could not make out a particular individual, my instincts were paranoid. I turned right at the next corner and left at the next, the apple forgotten in my hand. The feeling would not shake, so, I swiftly darted into an alley, completely absorbed in the dark. I knew I could not be seen, but I would be able to see if someone followed. Sure enough, someone stopped in front of the alley not a minute later, glancing around the street, before deciding to enter the darkness I lurked in.
My instincts took over and becoming void of both feelings and thoughts, I pulled out the knife and the crimson fruit dropped to the ground. There was a small click as it locked into place and they heard it. However, it was too late to react. Before they could take another step into the alley, I pushed my follower into the brick wall, a hand pressed firmly on their chest and the blade at their neck. From the small light that shown from the street, I saw it was the same individual as before. I grunted, finding myself foolish to underestimate this individual. Still, I did not detect the usual level of threat I typically did with night-crawlers, but a threat that was much more dangerous. My instincts would not shake the oddity, but it did not change my stance.
"Why the hell are you following me?" I growled, pressing the blade to their bare neck; through the blade, I could feel as they swallowed hard. "Answer me!"
"I-I'm sorry," they muttered, their voice crackling. "I didn't mean to follow you."
"Of course you meant to follow me, or you wouldn't be in the position you're in now," I said coolly, my hand pressing harder on their chest. "Who the fuck are you?"
"Please, let me go…"
"I asked, who the fuck are you!" The only feeling lingering was that of danger. This individual brought more worry, if not fear, than anyone ever had. It was something I could not control, but I slowly felt all humanity slipping at that instant.
"Please," they begged, their voice becoming raspy. I did not notice I had pressed the blade into their flesh further.
"Answer me, dammit!" My eyes were fierce, but I felt it draining. Silently, I cursed myself for having no control. If this continued, I would kill this person.
They made a choking noise, so taking a deep breath, I made an attempt to gather myself to the best of my ability and slightly loosened my hold.
"If you won't tell me," I whispered softly, but harshly. I did not continue the sentence, but took the chance to observe the individual. My left hand that was pressed against their chest finally felt something I had ignored. Underneath the sweatshirts was not a flat chest. It was a girl. Still holding the knife to her neck, I moved my right arm slightly, so she was still pressed into the wall. "Don't move," I warned, releasing my left hand from her chest. I felt her take a deep breath as I did so.
Moving my left hand, I pulled up the hat she wore and slightly adjusted the hoods so I could make out her face. Two long strands of chocolate brown hair fell into her face, framing large eyes of the same color. Beneath the comforting shade, there was a mixture of fear and something else I could not quite make out. Blinking, I looked into her face, the face of a stranger. However, the lingering feeling of danger increased, to the point where I could bear it no longer.
"Who," I whispered, my defense dropping. "Who are you?" I knew that face, those features, that warm milky brown color. Without realizing, the knife had slowly left her skin, that ivy skin.
"Secchan?" A tiny voice escaped past her pink lips. Only one person had ever referred to me as that.
"Konoka." The knife dropped from my hand and bounced before falling to the ground. I made out a flash of light before stumbling back and falling into the opposite wall, collapsing on the cool cement. It all came back at once, both memories and the feelings that went with them. An ear-splitting scream escaped my throat as it echoed down the street, my body trembling and thrusting in pain. Completely blinded to the world outside my mind, memories flashed in my eyes without end. I felt warm tears leaking from my eyes as the emotions swelled in and were ready to burst. As much as I prayed it would come to a stop, it continued without an end in sight. My lips quivered, my body ached, and for the first time in years, I sobbed. Everything I chose to hide away was resurfacing and the emotions were more than I could bear.
"Secchan." Like a savior, a hand, bathed in a shining light, reached out to me in the deepest depths of the darkness I lived in. "Will you join me in the world of light, Secchan?" a soothing voice asked, sending a feeling of warmth and comfort throughout my body. I began to extend my arm, but memories of the past pulled it back.
"I can't," I nearly whispered, looking down into the black abyss. "I don't belong there. This is the only place I can call home." I peered up at the light, but it looked as though it was farther from my grasp.
"I want you here, with me, Secchan."
"I want to. I want to be there with you, but I will never belong there. You deserve better."
"Please, Secchan…"
"You deserve the best life possible. I belong here in the darkness, where all monsters belong." The hand was fading far into the distance, almost completely from my reach. "I don't deserve you. I should be alone. I don't deserve happiness." The glow of the extended hand had nearly faded completely away, but I closed my eyes and as much as it broke my heart, allowed it to disappear.
"Please, Secchan!" the angelic voiced called out, nearly absorbed completely into the darkness. "I need you!" Hearing this, my eyes sprang open and I leapt toward the hand, nearly completely swallowed in the blackness. My fingers nearly touched its own, but giving the last of my energy, my hand grasped around it, fingers intertwined. A bright light engulfed my world of darkness, everything incinerating in its slow. My body felt warm as I gripped her hand tighter, a smile forming across my lips for the first time since I had last seen her.
"Kono-chan," I whispered, closing my eyes peacefully as the light pulled me into reality.
When I awoke, I stared into a bright blue sky, void of any clouds. I blinked a few times, attempting to wake from a dream, but much to my surprise, it was all too real. Tilting my head back slightly, I saw a soft face hovering over me, delicate in sleep. Her pink lips muttered something incomprehensible, her eyes restless behind the lids. Her long strands of hair tickled my face as she held me in her soft lap. Her arms were wrapped around my head and shoulder. Even in slumber, she held onto dearly, afraid to let go. It was a distant feeling, to be held in comfort and protection. I could not help but stare at her beautiful face, one I thought I would never see again. As much as I wanted to reach out and touch her, to see if it was real, I could not move. Of course, it had to be real – no dream could hold me in such a secure embrace.
"Konoka Ojou-sama," I whispered, my lips mouthing what seemed to be a foreign tongue. A tear slid from the corner of my eye, streaming to her soft hand. "My Kono-chan…"
I must have said it louder than I thought, because her beautiful eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times before gazing into my own. Her rich chocolate eyes locked onto my dark ones, embracing each other in their own hold. Her lips curled into a smile I longed to see for so many years. She moved her arms slightly, cradling my head securely with one and brushing the hood I wore with the other. Her fingers gently ran through my long bangs, my hair as black as night. Her nails ran over my scalp soothingly, her thumb caressing the corner of my eye ever-so gently. Her lips parted as another tear made its way from my eye, falling to her thumb. Her eyes studied me, full of curiosity and interest. She moved her hand again, brushing the hair away from my face, one that she had once been able to recognize. Now, even in her arms, I wondered if I looked like more of a stranger than friend.
"Setsuna," she whispered softly, lowering her head to me. She placed it gently on mine and blinked slowly. "My Secchan…" Slowly, she moved her face, her small nose sliding up my face until her soft lips touched my forehead.
At that moment, I knew I wanted to be at her side, no matter what. It did not matter how, but just as long as she was with me, I would be happy. Laying here, curled into a ball in her arms, I was as vulnerable as I ever had been, but I was not scared. It was the best feeling imaginable.
We just stared at each other, placing soft touches on each other's faces, for what seemed like eternity. Though she had grown considerably throughout the years, she was still just as I remembered, flawless inside and out. My fingers outlined her supple facial details, rubbing my thumb across her defined chin. It moved finely, defining her jaw line. My movements ceased just below her bottom lip, but I could feel her warm breath on the tip of my finger. Gently, I stroked the outline of the bottom lip, feeling just how soft and tender it was. My eyes shifted to her eyes, curious of her expression, but the endearment that gleamed within her pupils had only grown.
My hand slowly lowered, scooping a strand of her hair and feeling the soft strands. Blinking slowly, I wrapped my arms around her in a deep embrace, burying my head in her stomach. Even in the oversized clothes she wore, drenched in rain and dirt, I could smell the scent of strawberries coming from her hair. I had not breathed in such a scent since I last saw her. She shifted her arms, cradling my head while supporting my shoulders. Gently, she rested her chin on the top of my head, breathing softly.
"I knew it was you, Secchan," she whispered, almost crying even. "I am so happy I found you."
Happiness…
"Kono-chan," I muttered into her clothes, closing my eyes. "Kono-chan." I repeated her name, over and over, almost as if to convince myself her presence was genuine. It was something I had tried to say, all this time, but could never find the strength to.
"When I was running, I never thought the person I bumped into would be you, but I knew that eye, Secchan. That's why I followed you, because I had to know if it was just a dream." She began to stroke my hair, slowly. "Even as you held me there, I was sure it was you. Your eyes looked so sad, I just wanted to touch you, but you didn't know who I was. I was afraid."
Turning my head, I gazed at her with guilty eyes, "I'm sorry, Kono-chan," I mouthed, unsure if the words had come out or not. "I am sorry I scared you."
Konoka closed her eyes for a second, speaking thoughtfully, "I wasn't scared of you, Setsuna." Opening her eyelids, she gazed at me tenderly. "I was afraid you had forgotten me."