Title Screen:
Asinus in cathedra
The Blockhead in the Professor's Chair

(Piece of fried tofu says the name "Takahata" with a heart)

[Asuna]: There, 65 pieces of fried tofu..
Now all that's left to do is the dance. Oh, this had better work...
Okay, time to focus. Professor Takahata, I clear my thoughts and focus on what will be!

[Asuna (singing)]:Professor Takahata! No one else is hotta!
--Be my homeroom teacher, hey!

[Konoka]: --Asuna!

[Asuna}: <Laughing>

[Konoka]: --I thought I'd find you here!

[Asuna]: Oh, I'm following the spell just the way you told me to, Konoka!
The costume was tricky! I had to beg the entire drama department!
Isn't it great? I wanted the shark, but they said they needed it for Jaws the Musical this fall.

[Konoka]: You'd swim with the sharks if it meant spending more time with Takahata!
I knew you were desperate, but this is ridiculous...

[Asuna]: Eh?!
Konoka! For your sake, this had better be a real spell!

[Konoka]: Uh... of course it is!

[Asuna]: Takahata is perfection, so manly the way he flips through his textbook..
He's taught me the greatest lesson of all, love!

[Konoka]: That's sweet! I mean creepy, but sweet...

[Asuna]: Hey, shut up!

[Konoka]: Sure is quiet. Where is everyone?

[Asuna]: School does start today! 
They probably left early to see what class they're in!

[Konoka]: Oh yeah...

[Asuna]: We better hurry too.
This thing's so heavy it took longer than I expected...
What time is it?

{Konoka]:It was 8:30 when I left the room.

[Asuna]: Eh?!
8:30?!

---------

Outside
<Sign>: "Girl's Dormitory"

[Asuna]: Why the heck were you having a leisurely morning bath?!

[Konoka]: <laughs>
Spring break didn't end until yesterday, so...


[Sound of a gaggle of girls unboarding train]

{Intercom]: Attention, all Mahora Axademy students!
This is the Lifestyle Committee!
The school bell will sound in 10 minutes!
Make sure you're not late for your first day of class!

[Konoka]: This group's from the last train!

[Asuna]: Whew! Looks like we'll make it!
Time to catch up!

[Konoka]: You're as fast as ever!

[Asuna]: Excuse me for being a fitness freak! Everyone else is just slow!
Besides, being late 'cause of a stupid ritual is way lame!

[Konoka]: I hope Takahata-sensei is our homeroom teacher again this year...!

<Asuna's bells ring>

[Negi]: Um...
<pause>
I see heartbreak in your future.

[Asuna}: Eh?! 
What's that supposed to mean?!

[Negi}: You seemed to be talking about a ritual, so...

[Asuna]: I'd watch what I say if I were you!

[Negi}: No, I really do see great heartbr--

{Asuna]: --What?! You little brat!

{Negi}: --L-Let go of me...!

{Konoka]: Come on, Asuna. He's just a kid.

[Asuna]: I'll have you know I despise little kids!

[Konoka]: Still...
What are you doing here, little boy?
This is the all-girls district of Mahora Academy City.
The grade school is one station back.

[Asuna]: Yeah!
Which means no brats allowed! Got that?!
Heartbreak?! Ha!
As if a twerp like you knows about love!

<Negi sneezes>

<Asuna screams>

[Konoka]: Where'd that gust of wind come from...?!

[Asuna]: Did you see?

[Negi]: No, I didn't see any bears...

[Asuna]: You did too see!

[Negi]: I couldn't help it! It's not like I wanted to see!

[Asuna]: What did you say?!

<School bell rings in distance>

[Asuna]: I don't have time to deal with little brats! Let's go, Konoka!

[Konoka]: Sorry, little boy! The grade school's one station back, OK?

[Asuna]: Come on, Konoka!

[Konoka]: Wait up, Asuna!


Classroom

[Nodoka]: I hope our homeroom teacher is a woman...

[Yue]: Nodoka. You can't be like that.
Half the world will be men once you finish school.

[Nodoka]: But...

{Haruna]: Yeah, so read this to build up tolerance.

[Yue]: Haruna. I didn't mean those kinds of men.

[Haruna]: You didn't?

[Asuna}: Morning!

{Haruna]: Oh, you're in Class A, too?

[Asuna]: Haruna! We're in the same class again! That's great!

[Konoka]: You guys, too?

[Yue]: Yes. The entire Library Exploration Club is here.

[Nodoka]: P-Please treat me well...!

{Ayaka]: My word!
Being in the same class as an ape like you again
makes me worry about my future prospects!

[Asuna]: Yukihiro Ayaka! That's my line!

[Ayaka]: I'm postively sick of you constantly hanging around me!

[Asuna]: Likewise! You've been pestering me since grade school!
Get in another class already!

[Ayaka]: It's not as if Im choosing which classes I'm in!

[Konoka]: They have unsavory ties, those two...
Secchan...!
Secchan!
Isn't it great we're in the same class?!


Teacher's lounge

[Shizuna]: Takahata-sensei.
It seems he's arrived! He's with the dean right now!

[Takamichi]: That's great!
So you're here, Negi-kun...!
Well, guess I'll go welcome him.


Classroom

[Fuka]: Here comes the teacher!

[Konoka]: The teacher's coming!

[Asuna}: Takahata-sensei! Takahata-sensei...!

[Fuka]: Alright! Got 'im!
Huh...?

[Negi]: Ow...

[Asuna]: You're that...

[Kazumi]: ...kid?

[Makie]: Are you alright?

[Fuka]: Sorry! We thought you were our teacher...!

[Takamichi]: My, what a rude welcoming.

[Asuna]: Takahata-sensei!
So you are our homerrom teacher?!

[Takamichi]: No, your teacher's right there.

[Asuna]: Right there...?
Eh?

[Negi]: I've been put in charge of your class as of today!
My name is Negi Springfield! It's a pleasure to meet you all!

[Asuna]: Eh?
Eh?

[Negi]; Um, I'll be teaching mag-- I mean, English. Thank you.

[Sakurako]: --How old are you?!

[Negi]: --Um, 10...

[Kazumi]: --Where are your from?! What nationality?!

[Negi]: --From the mountains in Wales...

[Fuka]: --Where's Wales?!

[Chao]: --Western England!

[Yuna]: --Are you smart?!

[Negi]: --Just enough to graduate college...

[Haruna]: Wow!

{Sakurako]: He's so cute!

[Chisame]: --Is this for reals?!

[Takamichi]: --Yes, it's for reals.

[Sakurako]: Takahata-sensei! Is he really our homeroom teacher?!

[Chizuru]: Can we really accept this cute little boy?

[Takamichi]: Whoa, I didn't give him to you! Don't go eating him!
While Negi-kun is a certified instructor, he's also younger than you.
Treat him gently.

[Class (collectively)]: --We will!

[Asuna]: What did you do to that eraser?
There's something not right about you.

[Negi]; No, that's not--

[Asuna]: Explain yourself this instant!

[Ayaka]: That's quite enough!
Return to your seats, everyone. You're troubling our teacher.
And you, Asuna-san. How about letting him go?
Though I daresay that pose befits a violent ape such as yourself.

[Asuna]: What?! Quit with the good-girl act, Rep!

[Ayaka]: Oh, but a good girl can't help but appear as one.

[Asuna]: Yeah, right, you pedophile!

[Ayaka]: Enough of your accusations! Besides, you like old men!
I know full well that you find Takahata-sensei--

[Asuna]: I wouldn't finish that sentence, wench!

[Negi(?)]: Q-Quit it! 
Um... Please st--
U-U-Um...!

[Asuna]: Takahata-sensei...

[Takamichi]; That's enough. You're troubling Negi-sensei.

[Asuna]: B-But he was really rude to me earlier...!

[Negi]: Rude? But that fortune was accu--

[Takamichi]; A bear...

<Scene changes>

[Takamichi]: They're all yours, Negi-sensei.

[Negi]: Right...
Um... Please open your textbooks to page 7.
I can't reach...!

[Ayaka]: Use this, sir.

[Negi]: Thanks...

[Ayaka]: --Shall I hold you up?

[Negi]: --No, that's all right...

[Asuna (thinking]: There's definitely something not right about him...!
I'll find out what and drive him outta here!

[Asuna]: Time to reveal yourself...!

[Negi]: Ow!

[Asuna (thinking)]: Huh? It hit him...
That's weird. I was sure he'd do something...
OK, let's try again...!

[Negi]: Ow! Ow...! Ow!

[Ayaka]: What's wrong, sir?!

[Negi]: Something keeps flying at me...

[Ayaka]: That would be that wretched Kagurazaka Asuna's handiwork!

[Negi]: Eh?

[Ayaka]: I suggest you stay away from her!
She may be dumb, but she's over-energetic, wild, unruly, and brutal, 
not to mention perverted and--
What was that for, you sadistic ape?!

[Asuna]: Shut up, pedophile! What kind of lies were you spewing to him?!

[Ayaka]: At least I don't like old men!

[Asuna]: Takahata-sensei is not an old man!

[Negi]: P-Please stop it, you two--
Ow...

[Nodoka]: Um... Are you all right?

[Negi]: Yes, I'm fine...
I'm their teacher, so I have to stop them...
Here goes!
Please stop it, you two!

<Bell rings>

[Makie]: Class is over!

[Negi]: It's over...

[Ayaka]: Could I ask you two to get the crackers?

[Haruna]: OK!

{Yue}: But we have Library Committee work...

[Nodoka]: It's OK. I'll go by myself.

[Ayaka]: Here you are, Asuna-san.

{Asuna]: Huh? What is this?!

[Ayaka]: A shopping list. Please purchase the items indicated here.

[Asuna]: Say what?!

[Ayaka]: The class meeting is over. It's your fault for not participating.
All right, everyone! Let's start getting ready!

[Class (in unison)]: Yeah!

[Asuna]: What's going on?!


<Teacher's Longue>

[Takamichi]: --Exhausted, Negi-kun?

[Negi]: --Yes...
I never imagined Japanese junior high girls were so powerful...

[Takamichi]: Oh, yes. Here.

[Negi]: --What is it?

[Takamichi]: --Your class roster.

[Negi]: Wow...!

[Takamichi]: Those are your students.
I was late giving it to you because I was adding notes to it.

[Negi]: Thanks, Takamichi!


<Library>


[Nodoka]: I'd like these, please.

[Student Library Worker}: Oh? You're by yourself today.

[Nodoka]: Yes. Yue and Haruna has class errands...

[Student Library Worker}: Say! Is it true your homeroom teacher is a kid?!

[Nodoka]: Y-Yes. But he has a real instructor's license...

[Student Library Worker}: That's amazing! So he's like a prodigy who even skipped college?!

[Nodoka]: Prodigy?

[Student Library Worker}: If he has a teacher's license, he must've graduated college, right?
I bet he's a cheeky little elistist...!

{Nodoka]: Eh?
No... He's... not like that...


<Store>

{Asuna]: --I'll take 32, no, 35 paper cups and plates.

[Store Employee]: --Sure.

[Asuna]: Oh, and a uniform skirt...


<Outside>

[Negi (thinking)]: My first class and I didn't get through one page...

<Pulls out class roster, draws horns and graffiti over Asuna's picture>

[Graffiti}: "Meanie"

[Asuna (thinking)]: This is all that stupid runt's fault!
If it weren't for him, Takahata-sensei might've been our teacher...!

[Negi (thinking)]: Hmm? That's...
...Student #27, Miyazaki Nodoka-san.
I see, she's on the Library Committee...
That's dangerous, carrying all those by herself...

[Negi]: I knew it!
Rastel Maskil Magister...
Spiritus Venti!
Ow...
Are you OK, Miyazaki-san?

[Asuna]: Y-You're...


<End credits>

[Negi]: Asuna-san, Asuna-san. Is this Junior High Stairwell B?

[Asuna]: You're a teacher and you're lost?! Well, guess I can't blame you.
Mahora Academy does have over 30,000 students
between elementary school and college.

[Negi]: 30,000?! That's practically a city!

[Asuna]: Which is why kids like you get lost every year.
--So, where do you wanna go?

[Negi]: --Well, um...

​[Asuna]: Eh?! The men's room?!